Episode 24.0 - World on Fire
Episode Credits:
Episode 24.0 - World on Fire: Hannah stresses as Cali spends some time away in her 'Fortress of Solitude'. All the while Rictor and Morgan go through some... growing pains after sacking a settlement together.
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Hannahpocalypse is intended for mature audiences on account of mature language, theme and violence and horror elements. Please be advised.
Episode Credits:
Amanda Hufford as Hannah
Abigail Turner as Cali
Jordan Rudolph as Mel
Will Handford as Jameson, Bogart, Ol' Blind Pete
Tom Schalk as Rictor, Charles
Ryan Hoyle as Reggie
Yenni Ann as Ashley
James Holyoake as Billy
Leslie Gideon as Morgan
Thank you to our volunteer zombies from the Fable and Folly Network, Russ More and Beth Crane!
Writing and Sound Design by Damian Szydlo
Sensitivity and Script Reading by Mak Shepard (where required)
Special thanks to Velvet Moon & Argle Bargle Studios for providing music for Hannahpocalypse! Listen to Velvet Moon on Spotify and find Argle Bargle Studios on Instagram.
Intro Song: A Florentine Story by Michele Nobler & Luis Berra
Outro Song: If it Matters (Instrumental) by Velvet Moon
Special Thanks to Russ More & Beth Crane for assorted zombie sounds!
TRANSCRIPT
[FADE IN]
[SCENE SETUP: Hannah is in her house, left alone for the first time in a long while as Cali is taking some time to herself elsewhere.]
HANNAH
[Frantic but happy-ish masking as she’s worried and lonely but trying to be understanding of Cali’s need for space.]
“Listener! Boy, am I glad to… ‘see’ you? I don’t know if ‘this’ counts as ‘seeing’ you. I mean, I’ve been to your place and you don’t look anything like a static cloud at all. Not really. Oh! What am I even saying? You’d think I’d know better than to question all of ‘this’. Our entire dynamic has been defined by breaking down a very shaky fourth wall. You’re obviously ‘you’ and I- I should not be spending this kind of time and energy trying to figure this unexplainable… thing… that’s going on here. A ‘thing’, to be fair, that does come along with a certain amount of existential dread which brings into question the very fabric of reality! So! I’m going to go ahead and stop myself now before this overfilled cup ends up splashing off the proverbial table and onto the floor.
It’s been days. Two, actually. Two long days. You’d probably think that since I spent what… like a hundred-and-fifty-ish years all by my lonesome that I’d be okay to spend a couple of them on my own, right? RIGHT?
Wrong. Dead wrong. Ugh. Correction, undead wrong. Which is kind of another thing? I mean, I can’t use expressions like ‘dying’ and ‘dead’ without a general sense of irony anymore. Or, at least a sly little side wink to a camera that doesn’t exist! Phrasing, Hannah. Remember phrasing.
Save me, Listener. I’m out of control. The power of the ramble has taken over. Eclipsed my life. The ramble becomes me. This needs to be a hard stop. We can’t do this for the next twenty minutes, can we? No. I mean, not if we both want to make it out of this with something that resembles a sane grasp on… sanity. Words are hard. This is hard.
Let’s just countdown from five together and regroup! Alright. Five. Four. THREE-TWO-ONE.”
[HANNAH pauses nervously before testing the waters on what’s on her mind.]
“Sooooo. Yeah. We left off in a pretty awkward place last time, didn’t we? I know we agreed as far as… you know, honouring Cali’s whole “You suck, Listener I’m going to go ‘chill’ in my super secret hideout” request, but… you didn’t go along with that, did you?”
[Static sound of acknowledgement from the LISTENER]
“Or you did? I’m… wow! I’m… kind of surprised is all! I mean, you’ve been… kind of nosey in the past? That sounds really bad, but I mean it in a good way! Really! It’s a good nosey. I like your nose. It’s a great nose from what I remember, as far as… noses go-”
[Louder static of complaint from the LISTENER]
“Okay, I’m sorry! Geez! I didn’t mean anything by it! I’m worried, is all. Fifty years in a relationship hasn’t exactly made me any better at actually being in one; which, I should remind you, is something I’m historically terrible at in general. I say historically because I’m pretty sure I’m the worst at them in the entire expanse of recorded history! Cali makes it feel easy… but underneath the surface? Yup, you guessed it! I’m the same ol’ Hannah. Overthinking and second guessing pretty much everything and now you get to be front row and centre to the exact kind of intrusive thoughts that used to keep me up all night. Except now I don’t sleep, so there is no actual end to this!
It’s worth mentioning that fifty years pretty much flew by for me in a lot of ways. I’m not sure if I’ve said that before. It sounds impossible, even to me sometimes, but I still get butterflies in my stomach when she comes home everyday. I’m excited- and I know it sounds like a contradiction in-and-of-itself but I feel ‘wildly safe’ when she wraps her arms around me. Like I’m a storm in a bottle. Able to be what I am and that it’s okay to just ‘be’ in general. That I’m treasured and wanted despite the kind of damage I’m capable of. Or, how utterly broken I feel pretty much all the time.
We enjoy each other's company and discover new things about one another every day. It’s crazy, but we do! And saying all of that, I still somehow manage to suck at this stuff even when it’s foolproof! I need Mel! She was always good for a proverbial kick in the shorts. [Mel imitation] “You know, hun, what you need right now is some soup.” Because I can’t freak out when I have a mouthful of soup or something. Which might seem wise except really, she wanted a soup enabler and we both knew it. And not just any soup, either, Listener. She wanted the kind that costs ten bucks-a-bowl. And you know what? It was worth it. Because it was delicious, and suddenly I wasn’t thinking about women and how frustrating girlfriends can be anymore.
I miss soup. And Mel.
[sighs]
This sucks. Wait, you’re about to do that thing again, aren’t you? I wasn’t done ramble-venting! Come back! Ohhh, shoot!”
[STATIC - FADE OUT]
[SCENE SETUP: The sound of music and a solo game of pool being played]
CALI
[Paying more attention to her game then the Listeners arrival. Her tone is sarcastic and passive aggressive to start. She’s been drinking a bit but isn’t DRUNK.]
“Well, damn. It’s ‘you’. So cool that you’re here. In my Fortress of Solitude. Solitude you’ve gone and broken. Which means it’s not a Fortress of Solitude anymore. It’s a Fortress of Solitude +1. What a big time, all-around downgrade. I mean, by its very nature, if there is a +1 then is it even a Fortress of Solitude anymore? Philosophical question of a lifetime…”
[CALI takes her shot, pool balls clatter, she’s clearly annoyed with the LISTENER as she walks around the pool table.]
[sarcastic] “Pretty wicked, though. I love it. I love it! That you’re here. Univinited. Can’t say I’m surprised, though. I mean it’s been, what, two whole days? Almost to the hour. No more, no less. Wouldn’t dare expect any more time than exactly what I asked for, right? [mutters, concentrated] Yeah, I am right. Thanks. Must have taken some colossal restraint. I mean, how did it feel not getting to barge into someone's life whenever you feel like?”
[CALI lines up another shot. The sound of static from the LISTENER flares up causing CALI to miss before swearing to herself before rolling her eyes and letting her frustration roll off.]
“Fuck! Lighten up. I’m joking. Kind of. Or maybe I’m not. Maybe I’m joking in the way that a mob boss in the movies does right before things get cold and he puts you on ice! Gives you the ol’ Russian Necktie! Or maybe it’s supposed to be a Columbian Necktie? Either way, it’s real bad.
Let’s go ahead and call it like it is. The Scouts Roadbook always said that when you get lost, it’s always good to take a minute. Look at the coordinates, map things out. So, we have to figure out exactly how we get to move on from here. Plan a route back to some degree of normalcy.
Looking at the facts- when it comes down to it, you’re an ever-present, literal cloud over our lives. One that comes along with the package deal that is my girlfriend. Whether I like it or not. But… I’ve had a couple days to think it over. About how things in that argument went down… and as far as I figure, I may have been… ‘a little’ unfair.
Which doesn’t mean you’re off the hook. Far from it, actually. But… what I am saying is- is that maybe we can start again. And this time, set some better ground rules. Boundaries. What do you think?”
[CALI takes another shot before returning her attention to the LISTENER]
“Like, am I pissed off at you for what you did back there? To Hannah? Sure am! How I scope it- There’s no getting around that she’s been through a ton. Enough shit to sink a boat. Not that her life is a shit-boat, but you get what I mean. I could probably spend actual fucking lifetimes unpacking the things she’s gone through. One of the results of all that trauma, as an armchair psychologist, is that she has a pretty big problem with disappointing people. You, me, anybody really. She’ll do just about anything she can to avoid pushing us away. And that goes double for you. Even if that means letting you hurt her. Be it on purpose or not. That’s the power you have over her. You need to recognize, and realise that before we can get back to having fun we need to get this straight! That what happened can’t happen again, okay? It can’t. Not like that.
Great! Good talk. So! As long as we are five by five with that little stipulation then… I’m cool with you. But remember, some sort of gross Necktie.”
[CALI makes a sound that is probably supposed to be the LISTENTER dying.]
“Eight ball, corner pocket. I always feel like Baby Ruth when I do this. Or is it Babe Ruth? I don’t know. She’s the one that used to call her shots, right? The baseball player, I think. Pointed into the stands and put the ball there. [muttering while she starts to line up her shot] Whatever or whoever she was,I think we can both agree that’s pretty damn hot.”
[CALI lines up the shot and misses it]
“Shit! Are you kidding me right now? Well, that’s game, I guess. Typical. I’m the best at beating me. [dejected] There’s nobody better. [sits down on the pool table with a sigh]
So. [a sly tone seeps into her voice] What’s she been sayin’ about me?”
[Quick static transition.]
HANNAH
“You know, I’ve never even been to her… I was going to call it her ‘girl-cave’, but that sounds like another phrasing situation waiting to happen… Which doesn’t change the fact that I’m not allowed in the supposed ‘Fortress of Solitude’. Or whatever.”
[Imitating Cali] “Is it a Fortress of Solitude or is it a Fortress of Solitude +1, Hannah?”
“What’s that supposed to mean, anyway? It doesn’t even make sense! Like, it doesn’t stop being the Fortress of Solitude if you have a visitor come over once. Or even once in a while! Which actually happened, right? I mean, I might be off on the lore and we are obviously getting into huge nerd territory here, but Clark brought Lois Lane there. I’m pretty sure he did that multiple times, too. It didn’t suddenly stop being what it was. Its status isn’t based on the number of occupants in the Fortress! It’s that it’s a place of solitude! I mean, come on! I’m your Lois Lane, Cali! God! Let me in!”
[Quick static transition back.]
CALI
“I’ll bet she was talking about this place, wasn’t she? [laughs to herself] Hell of a hot spot. She’s always trying to get an invite. It’s not gonna happen, Hannah. No zombies allowed. Even the girlfriend kind. I mean can you imagine what she’d do to this place? It’d get wrecked! For real! I mean, get a look at our house. Zombies ripping random things off the wall is why we can’t have nice things.
And in case you’re curious, it’s ancient history at this point, but they used to call this little piece of heaven ‘The Underpass’ back when this was still Goldengate. I guess the idea was based on old Speakeasies. You’d come here to get away from the weirdness and rules we had to deal with all the time. If you were a misfit, you could belong here. Take a load off. Be gay, or read outlawed comics. Smoke Mary Jane. Play board games that aren't Monopoly. Even both at the same time.
Scandalous, right?
The entrance is right up those stairs there, behind a shelf in Old Maggie's bakery. It used to be a spiritual second home to me before I took up scouting and got the hell away from this place. Since coming back, I kind of made it my actual home away from home. Real estate is pretty cheap around here these days for obvious reasons, so I had my pick of the litter as long as I didn’t displace any of the remaining ‘citizens’. That would be an asshole thing to do, considering the circumstances. Fortunate that zombies don’t need pubs anymore. So, I got to making this place my own. Surrounded myself with a bunch of my favourite stuff. They had some really kick-ass loot locked away in the vault, too. So the Underpass became my refuge. A second time for different but weirdly similar reasons. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I fucking love Hannah. I love being around her and sharing my life with her. Didn’t see that coming fifty years ago when I picked her up in old Michigan. No idea that there was this amazing girl locked up in that head of hers. But, things can sometimes be a lot when the whole ‘thought sharing’ thing that happens. It can be really hard to figure out where she ends and I begin sometimes.
Look. I don’t know anything about you, but maybe you can relate a bit. If you’ve ever been in a relationship, you probably know that there are some days you just need a little space, right? You love being around your person, but sometimes you don’t want to be around ANYONE. So you go into another room. Read a book, or watch a movie on your own. Be your own kind of company. Well, imagine you’re trying to do that, but while you’re reading, you suddenly get someone's internal monologue in your head. Let's say it’s about something like ‘missing pancakes in the morning’. Cool. Great. Except that monologue is like a train, running over your own thoughts without even realising they were there in the first place. Like some kid stepping on a bunch of ants by mistake while they were playing. And it’s not malicious. They didn’t mean to do it. They didn’t know the ants were there, living their little ant lives.
But it doesn’t stop there. No… Now you want pancakes, too. But not really. You already ate or maybe you don’t even like pancakes in the first place. But fuck you, that’s all you can think about and it’s in your head, now. Before you know it, you’re in the kitchen digging into a stack of those things while internally having a meltdown about it, wondering how you even knew how to make pancakes in the first place, or that pancakes are a pain in the ass to make in the wasteland and you had plans for those supplies.
True story, by the way. That happened last week. [sighs] Which is why I go out to the bridge sometimes. Or, alternatively, come here and pretend I’m good at pool. It would be so easy to be mad about it if I knew she wasn’t trying her best. Earnestly. She’s always being careful not to run away with her thoughts or lose control. You and me? We both have the unique perspective of knowing how hard that is for Hannah. She’s still a human up in that head of hers, and human beings don’t get to be perfect all the time. We have wants, needs. And sometimes you need pancakes, I guess. It’d be hilarious if it wasn’t simultaneously so fucking horrifying.
Still, it’s a price I gladly pay. Because she’s worth it. That’s something that might be confusing. How this works. At least for me.
See, you got here at a pretty weird time and brought some big complications along for the ride. A destabilising force in a touchy ecosystem. ‘Cause our relationship is pretty great, overall. Usually. She’s fun, giving, smart, and so adorably awkward. Physical intimacy is obviously pretty lacking but, honestly, that’s fine with me. It’s not a problem. I don’t think I’ve ever been the most available that way anyway. It’s not always awesome. I still have… needs, but it’s not a deal breaker. We’re complete in other ways.
I guess that’s all a long way of explaining how important and tenuous the balance I’m playing with here really is. My happiness hinges on diving headlong into a good thing while knowing I’m going to have to come up for air long enough to breathe… before going under and doing it all over again. This relationship being ‘great’ doesn’t mean it’s easy. We’ve grown over the years, but we haven’t changed all that much… and that’s something I’m still dealing with. In my own way.
Maybe you can help with that. I guess we’re going to find out.”
[FADE OUT. SCENE END]
[FADE IN]
[The sound of fire in the background and destruction in the background. The sound of a bubbling hot tub is in the foreground as MORGAN enjoys the results of her deal with the devil.]
MORGAN
“I love it when a plan comes together. And this one really came together, didn’t it?”
RICTOR
[annoyed, impatient]
“Enjoying yourself?”
MORGAN
“How could you tell?”
RICTOR
“Could be that you left a hint or two. Along the way.”
[referencing a discarded pile of clothes and an obviously naked Morgan under the bubbles]
MORGAN
“Oh? Did I?”
RICTOR
“It’s a damn shame, too. Might have even been a time I could have enjoyed the view.”
MORGAN
“That IS a shame. I mean, who would have guessed there’d be a hot tub in a backwoods, podunk settlement like this, anyway? I mean, if I’d known… well, I wouldn’t have been so careless to have left my bikini back on the yacht. I suppose it’s a lucky thing… that there isn’t a man alive to spoil the fun. Is there?”
RICTOR
“You’re right. If there’s anyone left down there by now, I’m pretty sure they couldn’t give a damn about a skinny dipping sociopath. I’m sorry if that’s disappointing to you. A real bubble burster, I bet.”
MORGAN
[Feigning seduction but actually trying to find ways to hurt and control him.]
“You sure there isn’t still a man in there, somewhere? Willing to join me? Sure is lonely in here, and after all that talk about how hot-blooded you are- Kind of got me wondering if everything still… works.”
RICTOR
[a bit distant]
“Wish I could, darlin’. Pretty sure those days are over. Dead and gone.”
MORGAN
[pleased at his remorse]
“Pity. There’s a necrophilia joke in there somewhere, I’m sure. [sighs dramatically] I guess I’ll just have to keep myself company then. You know, whiskey isn’t my favourite drink, but this mayor certainly enjoyed himself some old fashioned old world splendour! Must have been a collector or a connoisseur or something. All in all, it’s a good start to our… arrangement. I could get used to this.”
RICTOR
[barely masking his displeasure at not being in charge]
“How long, do you think, you’ll be enjoying the fruits of your… labour, here.”
MORGAN
“I don’t know. I mean, there’s still so much left to enjoy… It’s mind blowing what some people hide away-”
RICTOR
“You know, you’re starting to bore the fuck out of me. I don’t think this deal is going to work out, afterall. A couple hours of fun ain’t worth all this standing around.
[whistle sound effect, no need to record this]
Come on, kids! It’s time to go.”
[RICTOR waits for his own zombie husk to respond and start moving.]
MORGAN
[standing up, suddenly a little panicked that she may have pushed him too far]
“No, wait. What do you mean?”
RICTOR
“I mean that I know what you’re playing at, girl, but I don’t exactly like being played that way.”
MORGAN
“You’re backing out? We had an agreement… You can't- We’re just getting started!”
RICTOR
“Had. We had an agreement. It’s a damn fine thing that every deal I’ve ever heard of only lasts ‘till death do you part’. And as you know well, I’m already pretty damn parted.”
[MORGAN scrambles for her nearby pistol, cocking the hammer of the revolver.]
RICTOR
“Oh, put that away. Look at yourself. You’re ridiculous.”
MORGAN
“We. Had. A deal.”
RICTOR
“And just how do you see this going down? You going to put a hole in me? Is that it?”
[MORGAN shoots RICTOR]
RICTOR
[highly amused]
“Well, then! You do mean business, don’t you?”
MORGAN
[determined]
“I’ll do it again.”
RICTOR
“Now this. This is what gets my blood boiling these days. This makes me feel ALIVE again. Do it!”
MORGAN
“I’m serious. Dead serious.”
RICTOR
“I bet you are. Afraid there ain’t nearly enough ammo in that little six shooter to get the job done. You’re welcome to try, though. Hell, you can go to town! Just knock yourself out!”
MORGAN
[her facade starts to crumble]
“Fuck it. And fuck you, too.”
[RICTOR laughs at MORGAN and the situation in general. MORGAN doesn’t bear his ridicule any mind as she seethes.]
MORGAN
“Look at you. You’re pathetic. Without me, you’d still be wandering around out there. Tripping over yourselves. A clueless horde and their dickless leader.”
RICTOR
[suddenly angry]
“Dickless!? Is that right?”
MORGAN
“You heard me, big man. You think you’re the only act in town? You’re just the most mobile.”
RICTOR
[Stops suddenly, cooling down instantly]
“Wait. What… What do you mean by that? Are you tellin’ me there’s another horde out there somewhere? That just ain’t possible.”
MORGAN
“Are you serious? You honestly think you’re the only one? Why would you even think that?”
RICTOR
“Of course I am. I was there. I started this whole fucking thing. I am the apocalypse.”
MORGAN
[laughs]
“You started it? You’re him, huh? You’re the guy? Patient-fucking-zero. That who you are?”
RICTOR
“Of course not. It was a mistake. I let my guard down. Trusted my dumb assed, inbred sidekick. Kid stabbed me in the back. If it wasn’t for me he’d have been as dead as his daddy. All on account of a bleeding heart for some dumb bitch and her pet zombie. On their way to Goldengate. Never thought that’s how I’d-”
MORGAN
[putting two and two together and using it as a weapon]
“Oh my God, that’s funny. That’s actually hilarious.”
RICTOR
“What? What’s so funny?”
MORGAN
[laughing herself now at the situation]
“Holy shit, I SO didn’t see this little development coming.”
RICTOR
“What!? What! Answer me, damn you!?”
[MORGAN still cruely laughing it up]
RICTOR
“You better talk. Else I’m comin’ over there… just as soon as I can move my goddamn legs. I’ll choke it out of you-”
MORGAN
“Don’t bother. It’s just… wow. The other horde I was talking about? You’ll never guess where they’re located.”
RICTOR
“Are you telling me…”
MORGAN
“They’ve been camped out there. On top of that bridge. For fifty years. Nobody knows why or how- Does that line up with your… unlife or whatever you want to call it. When you got yourself bit?”
RICTOR
“Perfectly.”
[RICTOR starts to move as MORGAN scrambles]
MORGAN
“Hey! Would you… hold on a second? Let me get dressed!”
RICTOR
“No can do. The body wants what the body wants, and this one’s on the move.”
MORGAN
[Labouring to catch up as she gets her clothes while chasing after him.]
“Where are you going!? You know, this isn’t exactly very… becoming.”
RICTOR
“My apologies, Grey Lady. You said it yourself. Ain’t nobody alive here to see you anyway. Leave your damn clothes on the ground for all I care.”
MORGAN
[Gets in front of RICTOR, stopping him]
“Wait! Just wait! I get it-”
RICTOR
“Alright. Stop, damn zombie body. [pauses to concentrate on controlling himself, sternly] I said ‘Stop’!
That’s better. Let’s hear what the little lady has to say.”
[ZOMBIE-RICTOR protesting]
MORGAN
[regathering herself]
“I get it. Being angry. How that feels. I didn’t mean to laugh like… like that. We can go there. I can take you. We can combine the hordes. You can be a King. A Zombie King- get everything that you want. Everything WE want. Give me time to pack up my shit, take what I want, and we can get going.
It’ll take… weeks of walking. Maybe we can rig something up. Have your… kids carry it. Carry me. Then we wouldn’t need to stop all that often, right? I’m up for it. But I need to hear that the deal is still on. I need to hear those words from you.”
RICTOR
“Are you serious? Do you think that the deal was ever actually off the table? My, my. You’re coming undone on me after one tiny little fight? Ain’t we a hell of a pair. All the strength and cunning in the world and still walkin’ on shaky ground. Insecure wasteland demi-gods.”
MORGAN
“Don’t deflect. Say it. Swear it to me.”
RICTOR
“I can’t imagine doing it without you, sweetheart. No more games, then. No more power dynamics in this unholy union of ours. Put ‘er there. Proverbially, of course. Partner.”
MORGAN
“That’s not enough. If you’re going to be the King of the Wasteland… then I’m the Queen. Agree to it.”
RICTOR
“Is that right? Queen of the Dead? Bride to the zombie horde! What a union that’d be! Alright. Alright, Your Majesty. Let’s go get you a crown.”
[FADE OUT]