Episode 26.0 - A Girl and her dog
Episode Credits:
Cali meets up with the son of an old friend to do some very important trading while Hannah takes a trip into her past, this time to the moment she was 'reborn' as a zombie.
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Hannahpocalypse is intended for mature audiences on account of mature language, theme and violence and horror elements. Please be advised.
Episode Credits:
Amanda Hufford as Hannah
Abigail Turner as Cali
Jordan Rudolph as Mel
Will Handford as Jameson, Bogart, Ol' Blind Pete, Hank
Tom Schalk as Rictor, Charles
Ryan Hoyle as Reggie
Yenni Ann as Ashley
James Holyoake as Billy
Leslie Gideon as Morgan
Luke Alphonso as Hoss
Thank you to our volunteer zombies from the Fable and Folly Network, Russ More and Beth Crane!
Writing and Sound Design by Damian Szydlo
Sensitivity and Script Reading by Mak Shepard (where required)
Special thanks to Velvet Moon & Argle Bargle Studios for providing music for Hannahpocalypse! Listen to Velvet Moon on Spotify and find Argle Bargle Studios on Instagram.
Intro Song: A Florentine Story by Michele Nobler & Luis Berra
Outro Song: If it Matters (Instrumental) by Velvet Moon
Special Thanks to Russ More & Beth Crane for assorted zombie sounds!
TRANSCRIPT
[SCENE SETUP: Cali is sitting on an old barrel, her old pilots cap in her hands as she meets with a trader.]
HOSS
[starting mid conversation]
“I’ll bet it is. [chuckles] Trading’s tough out here no matter what way you slice it. Ever considered letting more folks know you’re out here? Getting yourself on a trade route?”
CALI
[playfully, knowing the answer already]
“You sure I’m not on one already? You tellin’ me you’re just a figment of my imagination, Hossy?”
HOSS
“Ha! Not sure you have the sort of imagination that’d be able to dream up someone as good lookin’ as me. But no, I mean a real route. More than just me and the cousins stopping in on you every once in a while.”
CALI
“Yeah, yeah. I get you. Considered it, once. Advertising, I mean. Figured it would be more trouble than it’s worth… trying to explain where exactly I’m set up. Kinda just… don’t want the smoke, you know? The ghost stories keep the scavs out for the most part. Which means I don’t need to run interference between junkers and curious zombies. Life’s already complicated enough up there on the bridge. Besides, I like things the way they are. [joking/sarcastic] Unless… you know, you're fixin’ to share my business with all those traders lining up to make deals with a mutant.”
HOSS
[chuckles at that]
“You know, never did figure out what’s so damn scary about you folk. What all the fuss is about. I mean, you ain’t gonna bite me, are you Miss Cali? Go feral?”
CALI
“Bite you? Come on, you know that’s not how it works, Hoss. Mutants can’t pass this thing on.”
HOSS
“Yeah, I’m just playin’. I ever tell you my daughter got bit awhile back? Some random shufflers. Figured she was done for. Prayed for all I was worth she’d pull out of it. Turns out she did.”
CALI
“No shit?”
HOSS
“Shitless, indeed. Mutants in the family, now. Been wearing this cross around my neck ever since. Don’t know the first thing about religion, or care to, for that matter. Just… real thankful, is all.”
CALI
“Yeah, I get you. If you don’t mind me asking, how far into the change is she? She still getting flashes?”
HOSS
“Naw. Been a couple years since the last one. Things have settled in, I think. We’ve got a little cabin just outside of the DMRS now. A ‘safe’ distance. Seems to me that there are more mutants out there than there ever have been; but… not everybody raises their kids like my dad did. Old, senseless hate dies too damn slow in people.”
CALI
“Same as it ever was. Wasteland needs more like you.
You… mentioned your old man. How’s that old goat doing, anyway? Still kicking?”
HOSS
“He sure as hell is. We celebrated the old dragon's 92nd birthday not all that long ago. Still tells that story of his, too. About the tight spot you guys were in awhile back. Hamilton killzone, right? Always says that your driving got him in, and back out, of one heck of a bind.”
CALI
[amused]
“Is that how he tells it?”
HOSS
“Mmmhmm. Well, Papa Raff’s been known to dress a story up a bit. Still, he always makes sure to ask after you. Make sure that we’re still coming out here to see you. That you’ve got what you need.”
CALI
“He’s a good egg. Speaking of which…”
HOSS
[laughs to himself]
“Back to business, then? Walked myself right into that segue. Well you best be ready to hear a pitch, then.”
CALI
“Ready. Bring it on. I can take it.”
HOSS
“Alright! Okay.
Chickens! Or eggs, more like! Before we get started, do you know how hard it is to get chickens to lay eggs when you’re on the go all the time? I bet you don’t! Ain’t nobody got time to raise the little bastards on their own, either. Leaving your plate lookin’ pretty empty in the morning. Well, fear not! Our mobile chicken coup is a marvel of the Wild Wasteland! A miracle of ingenuity, even! We’ve carefully constructed an environment where our prize-winning chickens live a stressless life of comfort, even on the road! Startin’ to envy ‘em, honestly, but it’s best not to dwell on it, I say!
Behold, for the second year in a row, I present FRESH EGGS! Right to your doorstep. Those mother-cluckers in the wagon just dropped ‘em this morning!”
CALI
“Damn. Alright, not the best pitch I’ve ever heard, but you’ve got me. I’m interested. How many you got?”
HOSS
“A few short of a dozen. There have been some unexpected disturbances to their habitat recently… made the yield a little less bountiful than usual. That said, figured I can throw ‘em in with the standard three month meal kit if you’ve got something I might be able to turn around in Junktown.”
CALI
“How about two working radios… [plops them down on a barrel] and… [grunts as she lifts] I’ve got a duffle full of survival gear left over from the Goldengate Scouting Corps. Old stuff, but still good. I can probably throw in this DVD copy of Golden Child… and you know how I hate trading movies away.”
HOSS
“I don’t know… DVD’s don’t do all that much for me.”
CALI
“Come on, Hossy. It’s Eddie Murphy! I promise, this one is loaded with one liners. You’re going to love it.”
HOSS
“Eh. Going to need a bit more, I’m afraid.”
CALI
“Shit… you’re really breaking my balls here. It’s a fair deal. Unless you’re hiding something away…”
HOSS
“You got me. I really wanted to offer you a chance at something special this time around and… well, this ain’t gonna make me whole if I was to put it on the table.”
CALI
“You holdin’ out on me-”
[hears a dog bark from the trader’s Winnebago]
“Wait. Is that a dog?”
HOSS
“Sure is. Got him locked up in the Winnebago. Wasn’t all too sure I wanted to sell him off, to tell you the truth. Found him on my way over here, up Cascadia way. It’s… well, it’s pretty lonely out on the road, but if I was to wager, I’d bet it’s a bit more lonely here.”
CALI
[excited]
“Can I see him!? Let me see the baby.”
HOSS
[sighs]
“Alright, alright. Just watch out. He likes to jump up. Haven’t had enough time with him yet to train out all the bad habits. He’s a good boy though, won’t bite.”
[unlocks the door, the dog comes running out]
CALI
“Oh my god. [talking in dog mom language] I was just talking about getting a dog the other day! And here you are! Yes, here you are!”
HOSS
“Well, looks like it’s fate, then. He’s alright for a mutt. No mutations that I can tell, either.”
CALI
[still kneeling and showering him with love]
“Don’t you listen. Noooo, don’t listen to the big dumb man.”
HOSS
“Ain’t the first time I’ve heard that one. So, what do you say? You able to meet me somewhere close to where I need to be on this? We dealin’?”
CALI
[standing back up to address HOSS]
“I’ve got a couple old magazines- Oh! And this bottle of perfume! Almost forgot. Zombies hate the stuff, so I figured I might as well see what I can get for it.”
HOSS
“Hmmm. [reluctant about it] That’s all you’ve got, huh?”
CALI
“Things are getting kind of tight. Stuff’s been going missing around the settlement. Can’t figure it out for the life of me, either.”
HOSS
“Tough break. Never was too good at solvin’ mysteries, myself.
Damn. Alright, I guess. It’s not exactly what I was hoping for… but it’ll have to do. Let’s get this stuff loaded then. I’ve gotta get back on the road posthaste. Besides, Raff would lynch me if I broke this budding little friendship up over some random hound. That’s bad business.”
CALI
“Thanks, Hoss. I owe you.”
HOSS
“Yeah, you do.”
CALI
“He got a name?”
HOSS
“Eh, I’ve been calling him Alfie. Pretty sure you can call him whatever you want. That dog just loves love.”
CALI
[talking to the dog again]
“Alfie. That’ll do just fine, won’t it, boy?”
HOSS
[picks up sack full of canned food]
“Here, go ahead and take this too. Big ol’ bag of canned food. Zombie jerky’s no kind of diet for a pupper.”
CALI
“Hoss… thanks but… I can’t afford any extra right now. All out of surprises.”
HOSS
“Consider it complimentary. Or a gift from the chickens, maybe. They hate that dog.”
CALI
“Alright, give the cluckers my thanks, then. Tell ‘em… I don’t know, sorry about the eggs.”
HOSS
“You got it. [dad noises] Better get on the road then. Beat the traffic.”
CALI
“Traffic. That’s funny. What’s got you in such a rush, anyway?”
HOSS
“I suppose you haven’t heard, have you? There’s a horde on the move. A big one coming out of the East. Some wastelanders are even sayin’ it’s ‘The Great Horde’.”
CALI
“What!? Roll that back a bit. There’s another horde out there? Are you serious?”
HOSS
“You're kiddin’ me, right? Did you think you were the only ones?”
CALI
“Well… yeah? Kind of? I mean, that was sort of the whole plan we had. I mean, I had. To stay on the bridge in the first place. Herd the zombies. Alone. A singular, individual zombie herder without help, keeping the horde contained.”
HOSS
[too amused to be too suspicious of her ramble]
“You really need to get out more. I’m serious about that. You’ve been up on that bridge way too long. Wasteland’s passed you by.”
[sighs before closing the Winnebago door]
“I suppose I’ve got a minute to spare. Can’t believe this hasn’t come up before…
Okay. Where do I start? I mean, it’s probably no big surprise that small groups of zombies turn up every once in a while. Out of the blue. Those bands can be a big problem to a small settlement or a wanderer if they catch you in a hole, so to speak. Fortunately, a good wall and just about any kind of beam weapon can make pretty quick work of ‘em. Zombies can’t climb for shit.
CALI
“Don’t tell that to Goldengate.”
HOSS
“What do you mean?”
CALI
“Just… nevermind. Didn’t mean to interrupt you…”
HOSS
Sure. So, stories say that all these little off-shoots come sprouting out from the roots of one big, ugly weed. A weed that’s been spreading around the Appalachian area for… hell, years. As long as I’ve been alive, I reckon. Just kind of lost out there, meanderin’ around the East Coast. ‘Course, there are scouts that keep tabs on it every once in a while… like storm watchers did in the old world. But, for the most part, everyone knows The Great Horde kind of haunts the same general area. A cluster of states, keeping settlements to a couple well-hidden spots that are brave enough to set up there. That is, until now, of course. Word has it that they’ve been making their way out this way for a few weeks now. Skipping past settlements they would normally be rolling over. Using the old highways, even. [chuckles] Maybe someone gave ‘em a map. With any luck, the whole lot of ‘em take a walk off the edge of the coast, right into the ocean… but I ain’t ever been so lucky as that.”
CALI
[shaken]
“That’s… that sounds bad. I… I better get home…”
HOSS
“Smart idea. I’m sure you’ll be fine up there. Goldengate used to be the safest place in the Wasteland. I can’t imagine zombies have much of a will to ravage other zombies, right? I’ve never heard of that sort of thing. Though a zombie civil war would be mighty exciting.”
CALI
“Me neither… but… you’re right. I better lock things down. Just to be sure. Thanks… thanks, Hoss. Get those chickens home safe, would you?”
HOSS
“Sure will. Alfie, you keep Miss Cali safe, you hear?”
[dog barks as HOSS starts the Winnebago]
[HOSS drives away with a honk of his horn]
CALI
[worried]
“Come on, Alfie. We’ve got to get home. Hannah… Hannah will know what to do.”
[FADE OUT]
[END SCENE]
[FADE IN]
[Scene Setup: We return again back to the convention hall where HANNAH was first turned into a zombie. Mass chaos is happening around her as she’s laying on the ground, soon to take her first step into unlife.]
[HANNAH gasps, her zombie body shaking as it struggles, pushing itself up.]
PRESENT HANNAH
“For a long time I thought this, right here, was the worst day of my life. That’s the way we look at change, isn’t it? Especially traumatic change.
It took me a very long time to realise that wasn’t the way it worked. Not really. No… your worst day is just another day, isn’t it? I’ve learned that the only thing you can count on in regard to ‘days’ is that there are going to be many more. They’ll come and go as long as you endure. And boy would I endure, Listener. I’d endure… so much. To get here. To this point.
Sure, I’d be lying if I didn’t wish that things had gone a little easier. That the world hadn’t ended. That my biggest problem I was going to have to deal with at the time was the break up I was trying my best not to think about. You know, I don’t even remember that girl's name now. I just remember the feeling. The confusion. The fear.
I’m… I’m going to shut up now. I just wanted you to know that no matter how confused I was that day… how scary, sad, and maybe even a bit funny this is going to seem… that I’m glad. And thankful… to be with you and Cali now. I always will be.”
PAST HANNAH
[confused, doesn’t realise yet that she’s not in control of her body]
“Mel!? Reggie? I’m… I’m okay! What… what happened? I feel… really weird.”
[Random zombie sounds as a zombie pushes past her but leaves HANNAH alone.]
“Oh! Hey! Rude, much? [realises that the guy is a zombie] Wait… you’re a- Oh my God, you’re an actual zombie. Shiii- shoot, I mean… cool that they haven’t seen me yet, I guess? I should probably stop yapping at myself and… I’ve got to get out of here. Before they realise I’m still a person. My phone! Where’s my phone? I need to call Mel… And I… I can’t move? Why can’t I move?”
[HANNAH struggles to try to move as her ZOMBIE-ME takes her first steps. SOUND DESIGN NOTE: Take a long pause to let this part sink in.]
PRESENT HANNAH
“You’d think that I’d have been more surprised by it. At realising that I was a zombie, I mean. Maybe in denial or panic. For a while I even imagined I did just that. Lied to myself. That would have been the normal response, right? That’s not what happened, though. The truth is, as you can see… I didn’t do any of that. I realised that I couldn’t move, or speak. Couldn’t look for my phone anymore, or do any of the things I took for granted before that moment. I just started… walking. With the others. We went on. Left the convention centre and… I just… stopped for a while. Inside. Pretended I was dead.
I think the thing that surprised me most was just how quiet they were. In the convention centre, in the chaos, they were snarling and moaning. Like zombies do. But out here. Together for the first time? You could hear a pin drop. Days turned into weeks as we walked. On and on. We were all… so confused but weirdly- and I’m not excited to admit this… but we were happy. I couldn’t explain that for a long time. How… fudged… up that was. [anxious] After all the blood and the screaming. But I get it now. That Zombie-Me was happy and she was influencing me, just like how I would learn to influence her. We were figuring out how to live together and we were in this together. Travelling through Ohio with her new family.
It’s hard to explain the exact kind of mania I was living back then. From moment to moment. Learning to be an observer in my own body and distancing the things we were doing from who I was. Let’s… give her the floor again… I mean that’s the point of a flashback, isn’t it? To see how it was… how things actually happened instead of the way we imagine they happened. Maybe this is important.”
[HANNAH bumps into a bloody zombie carrying a carcass]
PAST HANNAH
“Gross, gross, gross! Oh, that’s so nasty! Drop it, Florence. Drop the… is that a cat or… a racoon? And you’re biting it. We don’t even need to eat things! Seriously. DROP IT!”
[frustrated, but the zombie drops whatever she was carrying]
Did that actually work? Cool! It’s probably just a coincidence. It’s not like we’re actually in charge here or anything.
I wonder where we are… I mean, we’ve been walking for days or… maybe weeks at this point? I should also recognize I’m talking to myself way too much, but to be honest, it’s not like any of these guys are all that good with conversation. I’m lonely, Randy! Yeah, you! Hey, HEY! Over here! Great. And lame. Great and lame. That’s you guys. I don’t even know if your name’s actually Randy, but you definitely look like a Randy. Or maybe a Stan. Wait, that’s South Park, isn’t it? Randy was Stan's dad in South Park. Gah. I hate that show.
[sighs]
To be fair… I might hate it, but I’d trade just about anything for a good binge right about now. Hate-watching some trashy late night TV sounds pretty great, actually. Anything but more walking. Guys, why are we still doing this!? I mean, this is by far the longest marathon I’ve ever been on. And I’ve done the Boston Marathon!
Arg, SO utterly BORED… but strangely… spunky? No. NOPE. Don’t like that word. Not one bit. Let’s go ahead and strike ‘spunky’ from the record. Or even the zombie lexicon, even.”
[Hears SURVIVOR screaming for help. The zombies begin to move.]
“OH! It’s a person! We haven’t seen people in days! Ever since Delores got all bitey on a guy wearing chaps. Assless chaps, I might add. Don’t even want to know what he was doing when the end of the world happened. You should have seen him run, though. Wait… what am I saying!? Why is that funny? It’s them. Isn’t it?
I’m losing it. Come back to reality, Hannah. This is really-real life and we want this person… this survivor to get away, don’t we? Or do we? I feel so… strange. Excited and…
Conflicted. That’s the word. Ohhh, focus time, Hannah. We’re on team people and these are, in fact, people! There has to be a way! Maybe an announcement? Can we call a meeting? It’s worth a try, right?
Ahem! Alright, everybody! Be cool! I know we’re all excited to say hi with our gross, unbrushed mouths but- and I say this sincerely, we don’t have to eat this one, okay? Come on, please listen…!
[Zombies begin to move faster, the TEEN panics as they move, trying to escape.]
PAST HANNAH
“That didn’t work. Plan B time. What’s Plan B? I don’t know. But, I’m sure we can do something about this that doesn’t involve eating some rando. I think. I mean, if I’ve learned anything over the past few weeks, it’s that ‘we’ are the best zombie. We’re the fastest. The strongest. Though ‘smart’ isn’t a word I like to use for zombies… gosh darn it, we’re the smartest!
[Sound of an alarm clock going off.]
What… oh, that’s clever! Zombies LOVE noises. Go you, survivor! You might just get away! You might not know it, but you have a cheerleader in us!
[More moaning from the zombies as they shuffle.]
It’s working! The pack is moving on, intent on eating the noise and we’re… not. Wait, what? I’m not moving. Oh God… do we know? We are the smartest, afterall.”
[Sound design - Wait as the zombie pack moves away and Hannah stays behind.]
“And… there you are. Oh no. You’re just a teenager, aren’t you?”
PRESENT HANNAH
“I… remember this. It felt like we stood there, looking at each other for weeks. It’s funny. Seeing it from this side, now. One of those moments that doesn’t make any sense. She was looking at me and… she knew. She saw something that told her I wasn’t going to move. I had no idea that I could actually influence my zombie body like that. Didn’t even know that I was actually doing it. The deadlock only lasted what… fifteen seconds? Then she was gone. Running away… while ‘we’ just stood there. Watching as they escaped.
[sounds of the TEEN running away]
Something’s coming, Listener. I can’t explain it. I feel restless. Like I did back then. It started yesterday. With the urge- the NEED to… walk. To wander and they… they feel it too. The Goldengaters, I mean. There’s an energy in the air. Dancing in my head. A reckless will looking to get out. A happy anxiety. It’s both frightening and… exciting… somehow familiar. Like a homecoming.
I’m trying to keep steady. I’m doing everything I can to contain it. To stay… still.”
[CALI comes bursting through the door, the sound of a dog barking behind her.]
CALI
“Hannah! Hannah! I think we have a problem.”
[FADE OUT]