Episode 27.0 - summer days, summer nights
Episode Credits:
Hannah and Cali talk about the coming of the 'Great Zombie Horde' while enjoying some sun with Alfie while Ashley and Mel have a much overdue conversation...
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Hannahpocalypse is intended for mature audiences on account of mature language, theme and violence and horror elements. Please be advised.
Episode Credits:
Amanda Hufford as Hannah
Abigail Turner as Cali
Jordan Rudolph as Mel
Will Handford as Jameson, Bogart, Ol' Blind Pete, Hank
Tom Schalk as Rictor, Charles
Ryan Hoyle as Reggie
Yenni Ann as Ashley
James Holyoake as Billy
Leslie Gideon as Morgan
Luke Alphonso as Hoss
Thank you to our volunteer zombies from the Fable and Folly Network, Russ More and Beth Crane!
Writing and Sound Design by Damian Szydlo
Sensitivity and Script Reading by Mak Shepard (where required)
Special thanks to Velvet Moon & Argle Bargle Studios for providing music for Hannahpocalypse! Listen to Velvet Moon on Spotify and find Argle Bargle Studios on Instagram.
Intro Song: A Florentine Story by Michele Nobler & Luis Berra
Outro Song: If it Matters (Instrumental) by Velvet Moon
Special Thanks to Russ More & Beth Crane for assorted zombie sounds!
TRANSCRIPT
[FADE IN]
[SCENE SETUP: Starting off on Hannah & Cali’s porch, enjoying some sun with Alfie.]
HANNAH
“Should we… I don’t know… do something? To celebrate, I mean- Like a block party!? Oh my god, we could have a block party, Cali!”
CALI
[confused but very curious]
“A zombie block party… is not what I was thinking when I said we should start talking about preparation. You’re not even a little bit worried about this, are you?”
HANNAH
[thinking for a moment]
“Worried? I’m actually a little relieved.”
CALI
“Relieved? Alright, colour me curious. Let’s stop the clock and take a second to make sure we’re on the same page here: A mob of zombies, possibly even bigger than ours… is heading right for us and… you’re brainstorming ways to roll out the red carpet for them? Honestly, I thought you’d be panicking by now.”
HANNAH
“Panic? Hmmm, panic… Yeah, we’re all out of panic here at the ‘ol Hannah store. Can I maybe interest you in anything else? Maybe something a bit more upbeat?”
CALI
“All out of panic, huh? I mean if you need a restock, I’ve got you covered.”
HANNAH
“Sorry, it’s a discontinued item. I’m afraid we’re not ‘doing’ panic anymore.”
CALI
[takes a sip of her drink]
“Oh? I’m actually pretty okay with that.”
HANNAH [INTERNALLY]
“I’ll admit that’s probably a little optimistic. It’s not like I have the all-time best record when it comes to not panicking… but hey, I’m trying something new.
Unlife is pretty wild. I know that’s an understatement and not exactly breaking news at this point. One day I’m having existential ‘crisi’ [Said awkwardly like a made up plural of crisis]. One moment, my girlfriend is fighting with my best friend over what everyone thinks is best for me, and everything is flipping upside down. Absolute catastrophe. Then, ‘POOF’ we’re right-side up again! Just like that. Back to enjoying all this… well, whatever this is.
Sometimes you need to fight, I guess. Now, we’re suntanning together on the porch with our new dog, and making light of what could very well be a wave of approaching, shambling disaster. I say ‘suntanning’ with a big set of asterisks, mind you, because having zombie blood means you regenerate way faster than you could ever hope to tan… but at least it ‘feels’ normal. Ish. Besides, being a zombie is usually pretty gross overall; so, it’s a big pick-me-up to remember that I actually look pretty darn good in a swimsuit. I mean, we need to take whatever wins we can out here. There are zombies that look WAY worse than this, so I’m actually pretty thankful that my biggest zombie problem is being green.
It’s… really good to feel like I can just ‘be’ again. Without all the drama. Right, Alfie?”
[ALFIE barks happily]
CALI
“Speaking about things that are absolutely wild, you should explain this whole Alfie thing to the Listener. Because it’s weird.”
HANNAH
“I don’t know. I feel like it’s the most normal thing about us. Zombies, I mean.”
CALI
[disbelieving/disagreeing]
“Not according to every single piece of fiction ever made about you guys.”
HANNAH
“Which is probably one of the suckiest parts about all those zombie stories, by the way.
But you’re right. I can’t believe this hasn’t come up already but… zombies and dogs really like each other! From what I figure, we kind of operate on the same wavelength, if that makes any sense. Back when the outbreak first started humans actually used dogs to give them a heads up that we were close… but not in that growly, barky kind of guard dog way… and more like what happens when a dog's favourite person comes around. It’s like we’ve got pockets full of T-R-E-A-T’s.
[ALFIE beginning to whine]
And, as I’ve recently discovered, I can… connect… with Alfie. Probably other dogs as well, in the exact same way I can with zombies and mutants. That’s why I have to spell certain words out now, even in my head.
Unfortunately, though he seems to understand me just fine, he can’t talk back. Yet. We’re working on it.”
CALI
“Yet? Oh God. It’s probably for the best. We do not need talking dogs.”
HANNAH
“Ohh, I don’t know, it could be kind of cool to be a dog whisperer… and have them actually whisper back.”
CALI
“Oh yeah? You really think so? You think that’d be cool, Hannah? Okay. How’s this for a little slice of that fresh hell:
[CALI puts down her drink, crawling off her chair as she hams up some Family Guy references]
“HANNAH. HANNAH. MOM. MOM. MOM. MOMMY. MOMMA. MOM. TREAT!?”
[ALFIE starts going wild]
HANNAH
[Laughing as she speaks]
“Okay! Okay! Wow! Also, can we go ahead and never call me mommy… like, ever again?”
CALI
[flirty]
“No promises there.
[ALFIE is absolutely not giving up]
Shit… Shit! I said the ‘t’ word, didn’t I? Alright. Alright! Here! God!”
[Tosses ALFIE a treat]
This dog really runs my show, doesn’t he?”
HANNAH
“I… uh, I retract my want to be a dog whisperer, but not my excitement about all the new zombies coming this way.”
CALI
“Holy shit! You managed to segue that back to the original topic? Pretty sure that’s a new super power you’ve unlocked. I mean, we were sidetracked pretty bad there, too.
So… okay, yeah, why is it that you want to throw these guys a welcoming party, anyway?”
HANNAH
“I guess it’s because… it’s… not exactly all that easy being a zombie. It sucks pretty bad, overall. Even for the ones that don’t understand what’s going on or… remember things. Like Old Maggie.
Being out there, alone. Feeling like you don’t matter and that your life is over. Walking all the time and never getting tired. Being a ride along to whatever it is your body wants to do. I can’t explain… [getting a bit emotional, swallowing it down] how it made me feel the first time you ‘saw’ me. In that barn. Even if you didn’t realise I was really up here in my head. You said my name and I felt like a person again. It’s different, but we’ve done a really good job here, giving these guys some… I don’t know, some dignity? A sense of connection? Remembering that there are people under all that ugly zombie stuff.”
CALI
“Hannah… I… [rethinks and repositions her thoughts] I get it… I mean obviously I do. I’m not discounting anything- and I mean it’s one of the things that makes doing all this up here worth it. Making a difference. But that’s not what I’m getting at. You said you were relieved, right? When you found out they were coming. That’s the opposite of what I expected.”
HANNAH
“Don’t get me wrong. I’m not actually relieved to be entertaining what could be thousands of zombies. Or tens of thousands, even. Maybe I’m just… glad that I can finally make sense of this ‘feeling’. The part of it I haven’t been able to kick. All the anxiety and the flashbacks that have been happening. I thought it was the Listener or… maybe the stress? But it’s not. It’s ‘them’. We ALL feel it. I think you do, too. It didn’t add up until you came home and told me what that trader said. And just like that, all the tension and the uncertainty… frustration and anxiety… it all made sense! It went from this twisted up bundle of… confusion… to being crystal clear. I feel them, Cali. Like, they’re all lost pieces of a half finished puzzle that I gave up on and forgot about. A puzzle I might get to finish now.”
CALI
“That all, weirdly, makes sense. I get it. It does and doesn’t make sense at the same time. Shit, the whole zombie-hive mind stuff is super weird in general but… yeah, I do get it.
But that’s not what I’m worried about. Let’s set aside the logistics for a minute, not to mention the question of where, exactly, we’re going to house ten thousand zombies… [trying to sort out her thoughts] way back before what happened here… happened. Bogart said something that made sense to me much later than it should have. To be fair, it didn’t really matter until now… but he called you a Queen.
So… if there is another Queen at the front of this horde… what if she wants something different. And what if they don’t want to stay here anymore?”
HANNAH
[suddenly very uncomfortable]
“Oh… I… never really thought about it like that.”
CALI
“Sorry for the panic shipment.”
HANNAH
[disgruntled]
“Looks like panic’s back on the menu…”
CALI
[trying to be optimistic/supportive]
“You know? Fuck it. I don’t think it changes anything.”
HANNAH
[confused, not following Cali’s thoughts]
“What do you mean?”
CALI
“I mean I feel you’re right. We don’t know why they’re coming here. All that Queen stuff? There’s no way to confirm if there ARE other Queens out there. I mean, we just found out there were other hordes out there! So it doesn’t hurt to plan for potential danger and be ready for the worst… but we also shouldn’t assume that it’s going to go bad. Not until we scout the situation? On the bright side, it’s not like ten thousand zombies are going to sneak up on us, right?
HANNAH
[tentatively optimistic about Cali’s support]
“Yeah… I mean, what’s the worst that can happen?”
CALI
“Zombie civil war? But what’s the best that can happen?”
HANNAH
[very hesitant]
“... Are you going to say block party?”
CALI
“You’re Goddamn right I am.”
HANNAH
[overjoyed]
“This is going to be epic!”
[FADE OUT]
[SCENE END]
[FADE IN]
[NEW SCENE]
[SETUP: ASHLEY is stargazing, the sounds of a campfire crackle from a moderate distance away as footsteps approach as MEL returns to camp after hunting.]
MEL
[warmly]
“You stargazin’? Didn’t take you for a space nerd.”
ASHLEY
“Not stargazing. Satellite watchin’. Doesn’t matter, stars are for everyone. Nerds, stoners, romantics, you name it. Endless possibilities up there, waiting… paint by numbers to infinity and beyond.”
MEL
“That… sure is a take. Didn’t expect philosophy. Mind if I join you?”
ASHLEY
“Was hopin’ you’d say that. Saved a piece of ground right here for you.” [pats ground]
MEL
[settling down beside her]
“Where’s Billy at?”
ASHLEY
[casually, relaxed]
“In his proverbial ‘enrichment box’. It’s tough being a head on a stick. It’s not like you can go off on your own when you get overwhelmed and need a little space. Today was a lot for him, so he’s listening to classical music.”
MEL
“He really saved our bacon back there.”
ASHLEY
“Yeah, he really did. More than earned a break. Says listening to that stuff’s the only thing that makes him feel complete. I think his old owners used to listen to a lot of that stuff. He’s got loads of it stored in his files… more human than human, I guess.”
[Let the scene breathe, the quiet evening settle in.]
ASHLEY
“Look, right there- That’s one of them. A satellite.”
MEL
“Almost thought it was a shooting star…”
ASHLEY
“Kind of is. Except satellites don’t grant wishes. They mostly just hold us back these days.”
MEL
“How do you figure?”
ASHLEY
“I mean, they’re beautiful from down here, especially on a night like this. But any one of them could be playing host to Omnitech. Who knows, maybe they all do. Communication. Without it, we’re nothing. We’ve got nothing. Same goes for them. The robots, I mean. It’s just too bad we couldn’t find a way to bridge the gap.”
MEL
“I never thought about it too much. How important it is, or how we take all our yapping for granted. Not until meeting you, at least.”
ASHLEY
“Most people don’t. There isn’t a problem on this earth that you can’t work out with the right conversation.
[hesitant, butterflies in her stomach]
Which is, I guess, as good a segue as I’m gonna get. Because… you and me… we’ve got a problem.”
MEL
“Wait… what? We do?”
ASHLEY
[sitting up]
“Yup. We do.”
MEL
[confused/suddenly anxious]
“Well? Don’t leave a girl hangin’”
ASHLEY
[biting her lip]
“I… every part of my brain is telling me to shut up right now, to hit the brakes… but… I need to get this out in the open. I think I’ve caught feelings for you. Big… feelings.”
MEL
“Shit.”
ASHLEY
[backpedalling, holding back emotional floodgates brought on by this response]
“Not… the response I was hoping for. I get it. Bad idea. Let’s go ahead and pretend I didn’t say anything, okay?”
MEL
“No, it’s not that. Or… it’s not a bad idea, I mean. It’s just that it can’t happen, you know? It’s not right.”
ASHLEY
“What? Wait. I’m confused. It’s not a bad idea but it’s also not right? How does that work?”
MEL
[sitting up slowly]
“Come on, Ash. I’m fuckin’ ancient. I had my three hundredth birthday last year. Three. Hundred. Years. Old.”
ASHLEY
“Kind of hard to forget that party. That’s when you kissed me.”
MEL
[nervous stalling humour coupled with kicking her own ass]
“Yeah, I did, didn't I? Mistakes brought to you by ‘Reggies Original Moonshine’, 42nd batch if I remember right.”
ASHLEY
“Mistakes. Cool. That’s cool. You’re really gonna blame the booze for that?”
MEL
“Can’t exactly blame me for trying, can you?
[sighs, frustrated with herself]
God, I’m such an asshole. I’m sorry. I didn’t want to lead you on. But don’t you think it’s a little fucked up? In a really inappropriate way. You’re like, what-”
ASHLEY
“Twenty-six.”
MEL
“Jesus. Yeah, twenty-six. You’re half the age I was before I got bit, Ash. I mean, you’ve got to see the problem here, right?”
ASHLEY
[upset/rejected/annoyed and ready to lay things out]
“I don’t think I do. Actually, I kind of thought that maybe you were feelin’ the same way. Stupid me, I guess.”
MEL
“Ash… I’m not saying that I’m not-”
ASHLEY
[cutting MEL off again, upset]
“It’s total bullshit, is all.”
MEL
“Hey, come on. Hold on a minute-”
ASHLEY
“Nope. No can do. I’m going to lay things out and you’re going to listen since you’ve obviously already had this conversation with yourself. So, here it is:
I really like you. And it’s not hard to see that you like me right back. Everytime I see you I’m on the precipice of losing my cool. Whatever cool I have, anyway. I get excited and nervous and… I’m hanging on to your every single word like I’m the world's biggest fangirl trying not to lose her shit. And you? People see you as ‘grumpy’ and ‘rough around the edges’, but they don’t actually know you. Which, for the record, you don’t exactly make all that easy on people.
But that’s beside the point. Nobody else sees me like you do. You challenge me in a way I can’t get enough of. Even right now when you’re shooting me down for the worst reason ever, my mind is racing. My heart is beating out of my chest! That’s got to be something, right? It has to be!”
MEL
“It is. And I’m handling this like shit. It’s been so damn long that I kind of wrote myself off. Which… worked, you know? I was fine with leaving love in the rear view.
I’m no good for you. I’m barely any good for me on most days. You can do a lot better than a worn out wastelander like me.”
ASHLEY
[refocusing, changing her approach]
“You’re so full of shit. Good thing I can fix this. I just need to recalibrate. So let’s splash a little water on this and see what we’re dealing with.
So, first off, we need to establish some boundaries. As respectful as I can be in saying this, you don’t get to make my decisions for me. I get it. You’re trying to protect me and you’re considering all the angles. Taking the high road. Which is probably seeing me as love-struck, or maybe that I’m just not thinking straight in general. So let’s get it clear. I assure you that I’m a grown-assed woman and am very aware of exactly what I’m getting into. So, with that out of the way, we can now focus on you and your guilty conscience. Yeah? Great.
You’re a survivor. A victim of arguably the worst catastrophe to rock the world since the Ice Age. I’m not sure you’ve ever given yourself space to process that, but here we are. As a result of the virus, for better or worse, your body doesn’t really age anymore. That’s something that you never asked for, and it’s isolated you- which somehow translates into you needing to be alone till the Earth stops spinning. Because you don’t want to lose people anymore. I really don’t blame you, but let’s be honest here, Mel. If you’ve got any chance at being happy, you’re going to have to look outside of your rapidly shrinking ‘age appropriate’ dating pool. Which at this point consists of: robots, zombies, and maybe a handful of other mutants out there. Is that about the scope of it? Did I get everything?”
MEL
[amused/sarcastic]
“Wow, you really know how to make a girl feel special.
So if I’m following you, I’m ancient, disease ridden, and infuriatingly stubborn… And all of that really does it for you? That’s what gets you going?”
ASHLEY
[knowing she’s won]
“You can just tell me I’m right, you know.”
MEL
[folding, reluctantly]
“Why’d you have to go and chase me? I was fine on my own.”
ASHLEY
“You weren’t. Besides, it’s what I do. Everyone always says I can’t leave well enough alone. That, and…
MEL
[softly]
“And?”
ASHLEY
“Well, I thought we were gonna die today. But I wasn’t thinkin’ about that. Not really. Only thing that kept running through my head was that I didn’t want to kick the bucket before I got the chance to kiss you again. For real this time.”
MEL
[quietly as ASHLEY scoots closer]
“I… uhhh… I promise I’m actually a better kisser when I’m not off-my-ass drunk.”
ASHLEY
“Oh yeah? You weren’t so bad the last time… but we should test it out anyway. Just to be sure. For science.”
[romantic tension/silence]
MEL
“We’re really going to do this, aren’t we?”
ASHLEY
“Only if you’re ready. Only if you want to.”
MEL
“I’m… yeah. I think I am. And I do.”
[MEL & ASHLEY coming together and kissing ]
ASHLEY
[quietly]
“You don’t have to be alone anymore. We can fix it.”
[FADE OUT]
[END EPISODE]